walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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