Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
