new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
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I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
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I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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