yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
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I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
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I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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