Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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