allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Let's get the cat blown out
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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