Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
