Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
