I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
