The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize