Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
