Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
