She's JV to your varsity
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
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i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
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Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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