its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
