Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
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Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
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Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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