I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.