dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.