Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(727): View more from Florida

He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.

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(727): He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass. http://tfl.nu/11ss

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(651): View more from Minnesota

I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.

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(651): I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again. http://tfl.nu/g370

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(250): View more from British Columbia

found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.

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(250): found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life. http://tfl.nu/4h73

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(307): View more from Wyoming

burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef

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(307): burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef http://tfl.nu/mi4v

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level

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(908): I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level http://tfl.nu/dixb

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(513): View more from Ohio

just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America

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(513): just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America http://tfl.nu/08yj

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(917): View more from New York City

Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something

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(917): Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something http://tfl.nu/o4s2

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(250): View more from British Columbia

I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower

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(250): I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower http://tfl.nu/dtnj

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(562): View more from California

I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.

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(562): I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here. http://tfl.nu/jxmt

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.

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(304): I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke. http://tfl.nu/7s6d

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(928): View more from Arizona

He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero

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(928): He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero http://tfl.nu/1qw2

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(253): View more from Washington

Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.

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(253): Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers. http://tfl.nu/t7fg

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(778): View more from British Columbia

I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!

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(778): I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin! http://tfl.nu/eqwy

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(513): View more from Ohio

She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.

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(513): She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl. http://tfl.nu/kcuq

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.

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(+44): don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused. http://tfl.nu/f355

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