I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.