I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy