I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize