I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Is this like a preordered booty call?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
