I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
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Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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