I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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