I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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