I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
