I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
