yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
