I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
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He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
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Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach