careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.