i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
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Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
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Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password