He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.