Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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