She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
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