so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
