a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
