The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
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you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
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This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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