The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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