thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
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Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
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For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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