he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
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found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
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My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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