everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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