Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
its liver damage thursday
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