the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
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