he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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