went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize