Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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