She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I wear drunk well.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
