Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
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She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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