Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
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I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
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Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law