Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.

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(847): i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out. http://tfl.nu/gev3

Replies (509) Good night (87228) Bad night (8975)
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(702): View more from Nevada

I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha

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(702): I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha http://tfl.nu/eax7

Replies (51) Good night (2357) Bad night (1108)
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(540): View more from Virginia

I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.

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(540): I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down. http://tfl.nu/t10x

Replies (12) Good night (2817) Bad night (654)
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(+49): View more from Germany

Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.

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(+49): Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom. http://tfl.nu/2s5g

Replies (6) Good night (2818) Bad night (988)
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(573): View more from Missouri

There's always time for handjobs

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(573): There's always time for handjobs http://tfl.nu/m1ol

Replies (13) Good night (2637) Bad night (687)
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(425): View more from Washington

He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."

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(425): He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit." http://tfl.nu/w4dk

Replies (8) Good night (2099) Bad night (646)
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(361): View more from Texas

I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.

(1-361): View more from Texas

Ew! He's just a child!

(361): View more from Texas

AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.

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(361): I'm okay with corrupting his young mind. (1-361): Ew! He's just a child! (361): AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE. http://tfl.nu/exs0

Replies (46) Good night (3983) Bad night (1977)
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(580): View more from Oklahoma

it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch

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(580): it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch http://tfl.nu/2vd8

Replies (15) Good night (2889) Bad night (674)
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(719): View more from Colorado

I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;

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(719): I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now; http://tfl.nu/0kbl

Replies (7) Good night (477) Bad night (1407)
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(978): View more from Massachusetts

It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.

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(978): It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking. http://tfl.nu/nj2t

Replies (5) Good night (1479) Bad night (513)
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(847): View more from Illinois

It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.

(224): View more from Illinois

Those were right hand only?

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(847): It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times. (224): Those were right hand only? http://tfl.nu/iwna

Replies (2) Good night (710) Bad night (357)
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(315): View more from New York

She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her

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(315): She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her http://tfl.nu/g7bc

Replies (1) Good night (677) Bad night (347)
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(646): View more from New York

Is 1:30 too early for the bar?

(718): View more from New York

Do you want my opinion or society's?

(646): View more from New York

I want your company

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(646): Is 1:30 too early for the bar? (718): Do you want my opinion or society's? (646): I want your company http://tfl.nu/br9a

Replies (4) Good night (1433) Bad night (293)
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(262): View more from Wisconsin

You can wear anything you want

(704): View more from North Carolina

So... Naked it is then

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(262): You can wear anything you want (704): So... Naked it is then http://tfl.nu/h72c

Replies (1) Good night (815) Bad night (204)
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(423): View more from Tennessee

He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!

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(423): He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet! http://tfl.nu/hvnm

Replies (2) Good night (575) Bad night (251)

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