Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
