Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
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May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
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I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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