enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair