yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?