i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....