oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.