If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
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I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
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Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast