My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.