I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list