I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
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Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
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Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe