I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.