Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize