I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
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No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
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in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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