You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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