I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
