the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba