just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.