Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.