Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?