Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.

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(269): View more from Michigan

I don't know where I am but there are firefighters

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(917): View more from New York City

still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.

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If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
Read it at the TFLN blog
(920): View more from Wisconsin

Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.

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(618): View more from Illinois

Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.

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(207): View more from Maine

It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.

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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.

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(541): View more from Oregon

Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.

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