all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.