is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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